(BL) Taming the Field Guide

Sakura didn’t even care about her food. Instead, she was more worried about the silently crying pretty woman on her couch. For a moment Sakura had been embarrassed that she’d pulled Veronica into her boobs, but the other woman hadn’t said a damn thing. She’d grown silent as soon as the Guard had shown up, and now they sat facing each other on Sakura’s couch.

Sakura had turned towards her, Veronica doing the same, and with a flick of her wrist, Sakura had put a box of tissues in Veronica’s lap. She had smiled, before it had faded and the tears continued to fall.

Sakura was at a loss. Why was she crying like this? Why was she so upset about Sakura’s dating profile? As far as Sakura knew, Veronica knew about Sakura’s feelings for her but also knew that Sakura had backed off. Maybe she had forgotten about it, and so seeing the dating profile had shocked her. Maybe she thought that Sakura and Veronica were the same. Two people who didn’t want to date and cared about the Guild?

Maybe she thought that this would take Sakura away from the Guild even if she was also considering pursuing someone inside of the Guild? Sakura was trying to figure out why she was crying like this on her couch.

Not once, for even a second, did Sakura consider that Veronica might have feelings for her. The pain from hearing Veronica say it with her own mouth never let her consider it.

“V, what’s going on? I can’t understand or help you if you don’t explain it to me.” Sakura said gently and Veronica sniffed. She dropped her gaze, her eyes focusing on the tissue box for a long moment. She sniffed a few times, as sweet as she was dangerous, and Sakura stared at her helplessly.

“I’m hurt.” Veronica admitted. “Really, really hurt and surprised.” Veronica’s face flushed. “I’m not good with these kinds of things so I thought…you’d pick up on it.” Veronica sniffed. “You’re normally so good at these kinds of things.” Her words made sense, but for the life of her, Sakura couldn’t understand what she was saying.

“I’m…normally good at these kinds of things?” Sakura repeated, confused. Veronica nodded, her lungs squeezing and aching, the air heavy. Sakura wished she could do something to ease her aching, but the best she could do was force Veronica to talk about it so that she could help her that way.

“You normally pick up on everything, even the subtle things. You’ve been blind lately.” Veronica mumbled. Sakura blinked. Blind? Blind to what? Veronica’s eyes spilled over again, a new wave of anger coming. “And then I find the damn Guides gossiping about who would be a good fit for you after they found the damn dating profile.” She raised her eyes, her red gaze angry and hot enough to burn Sakura’s skin. “Did you know they didn’t even mention my name once? Not fucking once? Why would they do that? Don’t people normally ship those who work closely together?” She demanded and Sakura felt like she was in the strangest reality she’d ever seen. Was this what it was like for Captain Thatcher? Cause if it was, no wonder people went crazy with his powers.

“Why are you so upset about that?” Sakura asked. “If I’m not wrong, you have someone you like in the Guild. It wouldn’t do you any good if rumours about you and I were spreading.” Veronica gave her a dead-eyed look and Sakura had no idea what she’d done or said that upset her that much. “Besides, you’ve always joked that you’re married to the Peach Guild, why would they joke about you and I?” Sakura asked, trying to keep her tone light.

Veronica looked pained hearing those words and she dropped her gaze again. In fact, it looked like Sakura’s words physically hurt her. More tears fell and Sakura wanted to go to her, touch her, hug her, but she didn’t know if she had that right.

It wouldn’t help Sakura any if she did. Her heart would get too attached, especially when they were having this strange conversation. Sakura could already feel herself getting her hopes up.

“I have said that, haven’t I?” She repeated glumly, and Sakura watched her, helpless. “I thought…” She trailed off, sucking in a painful breath. “I thought you, at least, would have seen what I was trying to say.” Veronica mumbled and Sakura stared.

“What you were trying to say?” Sakura asked and watched as Veronica’s face turned red.

“Why didn’t you consider that I could have been talking about you?” Veronica asked and Sakura, despite the delicateness of the situation, couldn’t hold herself back. This felt too strange, to foreign, and Sakura felt her mouth opening and the truth coming out.

“Because I heard you with your own mouth saying that you were going on pity dates to keep your position, V.” Veronica’s eyes went wide. It didn’t matter how softly Sakura said it, she could tell that the words were a sword through Veronica’s heart.

Remorse was the first thing that filled her expression, then anger, sadness, and the tears were endless. Sakura so desperately wanted to go to her, comfort her, but she couldn’t. Not when she was the reason that she was crying like that.

“You overheard that?” Veronica’s voice was like nails down a chalkboard and Sakura nodded.

“Yeah.” Sakura said and Veronica curled in on herself. Her hands went to her eyes, her knees coming up and she curled in on herself. Her whole body shook as she sobbed. It was painful to watch, made worse because Sakura itched to go to her.

Sakura’s fingers sunk deep into her couch cushions. She was going to have to repair the holes she made later.

Veronica cried like that for what felt like an eternity, and when she raised her face, splotchy from tears, her eyes were brown once more. Soulful, pleading.

“I didn’t know better.” She rasped. “I didn’t know. I was dumb, and stupid, and thought that was what I needed to do to keep my position. I didn’t know who you were back then.” She hesitated. “I…I liked hanging out with you too much to consider what I was doing to you. By the time that I did, I was already telling everyone else to stay away from you. I didn’t know why, but then you stopped asking me and I grew comfortable.” Veronica admitted. Sakura stared at her, hearing her, but not comprehending what she was saying.

Veronica watched Sakura’s face remain the same and crumbled. She reached a wet hand towards Sakura, grabbing onto her pajama pants and squeezing. Sakura watched her do it, unable to move out of fear of what she would do.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I had no idea you overheard me, but it all makes sense now. You were so cold for a while after that, and I sometimes caught you looking at me with such pain in your eyes. I’m sorry I didn’t ask. That I was too scared to.” Veronica sobbed. “I’m sorry I realised so late. I’m sorry. Sakura, I’m so sorry that you’ve been hurt this long.” Sakura’s throat closed, her own emotions swelling. Nothing good came from S Classes getting too emotional, so Sakura tried to keep herself under wraps.

Only Veronica could truly get under her skin like this.

“It was hell.” Sakura admitted. She’d never spoken of that time before. “I had no one to rely on, and the person I thought I could rely on was only at my side because I bought her. How could I blame you for your reaction?” Sakura said and watched as Veronica’s eyes grew wider and anger and shame filled them. Her fingers scrunched up Sakura’s pajama bottoms.

“No. Please, don’t blame yourself. Please. I’m the one who did this. It’s no fucking wonder you didn’t even consider it.” Veronica laughed, the sound painful. “Who would consider that the woman who dated you because she wanted to keep her position ever liked you romantically? I’m a fucking fool.” Veronica gave another bitter laugh. “I…I can’t ask for much, but please, let me at least have these feelings, Sye. I-I promise I won’t bother you, or interfere anymore.” Veronica sounded broken and that was when Sakura shuddered.

Her whole body shivered and shuddered, her eyes closing as the words washed over her. Veronica…wasn’t making fun of her. That pain was too raw, and far to fucking familiar for Sakura to not notice.

She raised a hand to her face, rubbing it over it for a moment as she tried to keep her emotions under control. Veronica went still, noticing the familiar gesture.

“Interfere?” Sakura said quietly. “Have you…been interfering in my dating life, V?” Sakura asked. She was quiet because if she wasn’t, she was afraid she’d hope too much.

“Um, unconsciously. It wasn’t until Bella caught me doing it and pointed it out, laughing at me, that the dots connected.” Veronica said carefully. “I’ll…stop doing that now. Honestly, I know I’m asking too much now that I know you heard me. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I can do to make you forgive me.” Veronica hiccupped. “I can’t believe I hurt you so badly and I didn’t even know. I want to kick my younger self.” Veronica’s words were painful, but also a balm to Sakura’s wounds. Sakura knew where this was going. She had watched enough shitty soaps to know that.

If she didn’t say anything, if she let Veronica sit in this confusion, fear and sadness, she would come away from this conversation thinking that Sakura was too angry at her to forgive her. She couldn’t see the forest for the trees. She had been blinded by her new feelings to notice the way that Sakura had been treating her up until now, even after finding out how Veronica had felt about her.

Sakura let out a soft, quiet laugh.

If this was a prank, Sakura was going to jump off a cliff after this.

Sakura uncovered her face, staring at Veronica’s tear-streaked face for a long, serious moment before reaching for the woman. Veronica had no idea or concept of what Sakura was going to do as she placed her hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer.

Up until their lips met in a messy, wet kiss, Veronica had no idea what was going on.

When Sakura pulled back, the touch of their lips only a second, she was scanning Veronica’s face for a reaction. She wasn’t expecting shock.

“Was that okay?” Sakura asked, her heart pounding in her chest. She’d never thought that she’d be able to kiss Veronica, not even once. Being able to do so, even in passing, even as a prank, had Sakura’s skin tingling, her limbs twitching and she wanted to do it again. She wouldn’t if Veronica said no.

“W-What?” Veronica asked, stunned, and Sakura noted that her tears had completely stopped. They’d been pouring down her face before, but they weren’t anymore. Sakura chuckled. Her fingers flexed on Veronica’s hair as she sighed.

“V, I never stopped loving you even after you said that about me.” Sakura confessed and watched shock cross Veronica’s face. “Not once. Even now, my heart aches for you. I would give you anything you want,” Sakura let out a shaky breath, “including, allowing you to fall in love with someone else and start a family with them.” Sakura admitted. Veronica sucked in a soft breath, and damn it, this close to her, Sakura wanted to be the reason that she made such a sweet sound.

Greedy. She was getting greedy again.

“Oh Sye.” Veronica sighed. She released her grasp on her pajamas to raise a shaking, trembling hand to cup Sakura’s cheek. It was a touch that Sakura never expected, making it even sweeter. “You damn oaf. Of course I’d fall in love with you. You’ve never once stopped me from doing a damn thing.” She scanned Sakura’s face, her eyes melting. “That was because you loved me?” She asked and Sakura turned her head, pressing a soft kiss against the palm of her hand.

“Love at first sight.” Sakura told her and this time when Veronica cried, Sakura allowed herself the right to hold her. She pulled her in close, the shorter, curvier woman crying into her shoulder as Sakura pulled her into her lap. Sakura didn’t stop herself from crying, either. They weren’t sad tears.

They were tears of shock and joy. Who knew that so much confusion could build between them and yet, through it all, they could still find each other? Sakura kicked herself for not having the courage and bravery that Veronica had displayed by confronting her, but she would never spit in the face of it either.

She’d ask later what they meant to each other. For now, it was enough that she was allowed this right. Holding Veronica and knowing that she wanted her too? There was nothing sweeter to Sakura.